2004-11-30 - 4:28 p.m. TeeHee

Things are not as bad as I thought.

My psych teacher has removed the presentation requirement, and my english teacher has postponed the research paper (I didn't go to english but she was nice and emailed me) until next tuesday.

So I'm a little less stressed, but still stressed.

I should shower.

^_^

2004-11-30 - 11:50 a.m. School is lame-o

I feel so friggin lonely right now.
I skipped english class for fear of having to do an oral report that I am not prepared to do. So I sat in the library instead.
I forgot my glasses today. Everythings a bit fuzzy but I'm not too blind or anything that I can't see.
I have an hour and a half until theatre and no money or food. So I'm really hoping my sister shows up. If she doesn't I'll call Chuck after school cause I gots no way to get home.
I want to go home right now but I have to go to theatre class. Got stuff I have to do there. I read the play that my scene is from last night. It was interesting but I wanted an ending that wrapped things up better. One of the characters should have gotten a better deal in the end... I mean... she was a genius but she let everyone push her around. And she went along with whatever her sister said even though she hated it. She let this guy use her too. Lame. But she was a genius.
It's less than a fortnight until my birthday. I'm thinking about it a lot. I think people might actually come over. That would make me really happy.
I'm running out of ideas about what to write.
It's only been 6 minutes, I'm sure I can type about nothing for much longer than 6 minutes. I swear.
There are all these people who type really fast here at school, it's kind of annoying. Can't they just type like normal people?
I guess not.
I've been in a weird mood today. Like I said, lonely. I've been doodling. You can tell I don't want to be here when I'm doodling.
What I don't understand is how my government teacher makes everything really obvious but I keep doing worse and worse on the tests. I guess I'll study for the test next tuesday and maybe I'll get an a or a b. I really need to ont have any bad grades. I want to get into a good university.
The results for my ability to benefit test should be in very soon. Like probably today. I think. I should get them int he mail and since they didn't come yesterday... and suuposedly they should come in 10 buisness days that means today as far as I know. Maybe I should check if they post that type of thing online. No, not online.
If you were hungry and lonely and bored and at school what would you do? I don't know the answer, I guess it's wish my sister was here and go in the coputer lab... I should have made lunch but I slept until 8 and then got on the computer until I had to leave at 8:30.
This is really boring.
^_^ [edit] I was bored so I started looking at my diaryland diary. It goes back to 2000, when I was just starting high school. It's really weird to see how much I've changed and not changed. My writing style is different but somehow the same. I guess I talk about all the same things... heh. Boring as always. Only I used to hang out with different people more back then, and I didn't have the knowlegde I've gained in the last four years, right? Four years seems like a long time. So there I was just turning 15 and now I'm just turning 19. I see weird paralells between things that are happeing right now and that happened then. Starting high school, starting college, lots of beginnings back then, and who knows, four years from now I might still have a journal and I'll look back when I'm almost 23 and think about those connections between what's going on now and what may go on then. Life is crazy weird. Even when it's boring it doesn't make any sense. Amazing. [/edit]

2004-11-28 - 3:09 p.m. OMG

I haven't really made a real post in awhile so I figure that I should...
I'm having a good Thanksgiving weekend thingy.
I've been doing the normal spending time with and , but I've also been spending time with .
I can't really remember everything that's happened since last tuesday. I know there was laying about, and I've watched a lot of movies (Faust, I Heart Huckabees, MIB, part of Galaxy Quest, Zardoz, Lord of the G Strings, The Grudge, maybe more I don't remember) I beat the Katamari Damacy game the other day, it was kind of short, but I plan on going back and doing everything again only better... because I can. I kind of suck at Puzzle Bobble... For some reason my stomach has been hurting on and off... I thought it was the really yummy indian food I had the other night, but I don't know becasue it has been randomly hurting, but not as much as the other night. We went to this mexican place and they had HUGE burritos... I ate half and I was so stuffed. They are like as big as a plate or something...
My cat is getting more used to the house. She even went in the living room today! I'm so proud of her. Then Millhouse chased her and she tried to attack him.
My throat is a little sore.
I have been super tired the past few days but I slept in until 1 today. So I'm much more awake. I'm glad I got some sleep.
I still need to finish my paper that is due on thursday for english. There is also an oral presentation which I'm totally unprepared for that may come up on tuesday or thursday.
I'm supposed to do my scene in front of the teacher tuesday but I need to read the play still... me and my partner were supposed to work on it but I dont know if we will...
Thanksgiving was nice, it was good to see my grandma and parents, I wish could have been there though.
I had a good time at the party last night. It was highly amusing.
It's hella cold... always.
I really need to call Suzy and hang out with her, I miss her a lot.
Someday I should shower and get dressed. Hmm... or maybe I'll sleep some more first.
I'm sure there's more I could write but I dont know...
^_^

2004-11-23 - 1:26 a.m. :(

Ow, I am the most tense person ever right now. Physically and emotionally. Homework kicks my butt.
Half assed = crappy but will not get marked down as much as not doing it at all so there we go!
I hope school goes by quickly tomorrow.
I've been feeling somewhere in between feeling like I want to cry and vomit today. Stress is the devil.
Gimmie pain releivers and ice cream and chocolate and hugs and I'll be okay.
I need a shower. Mb in the morning. I would just end up really cold and more awake than I am already if I took one now.

^_^

2004-11-21 - 10:24 p.m. when the rain washes you clean you'll know

Life is odd and has a way of surprising me all of the sudden after being monotonous for extended periods of time. Small things start switching and then I don't know where I am anymore. It's not so bad, but sometimes it's scary or confusing. Things that come with choices are hard. They make me want to have everything. They make things awkward. The ideal choice would be to face fears and say what I want to say and have everything at the same time. Why take in one thing if it blocks out other things? These things take stability I don't have. But I have no choice; all of the choices are hard. That was awesome semicolon use.

I have to write a rough draft of my english research paper tomorrow which is due tuesday. I should read the play that my theatre scene is in and memorize the scene. I haven't gotten to meet with my partner for two weeks because she was sick and then I was sick and then we had no class last thursday, and now we meet on tuesday and then thursday is a holiday and the tuesday after that we need to go up and present our work in progress type thing for the class. School kicks my butt sometimes. There is only a month left in the semester. Exactly one month from today is my last final I'm pretty sure. I hope my grades don't suck. That would be really lame. I want to go to a good university. Unless I change my mind again and go to culinary school. What on earth do I want to do? I declared English as my major because I'm not exactly sure but I needed to declare something to get some $$. And I'm not completely uninterested in it...

I need to bathe my cat. She smells bad. Like... smelly kitty. I should bathe her and then she will smell like flowers. I should clean my room. It's really messy. I should at least shove stuff out of sight (I'm so meticulous) and vacuum. Bah.

We watched a lot of Buffy season 7 today. I cried some during what 4 or 5 of the episodes... out of 2 disks worth. I'm not sure if it was because they were really sad or it's girly hormones. Speaking of those I really wish we had ice cream. Or a big box of itsits from costco.

I want to play guitar. I want to actually practice and get better. Or write more songs. Clever, clever songs. And make pretty pretty music.

Woke up at 2. Chuck was hammering.

listening to letters to cleo gives me a very specific feeling that I like a lot.

^_^

2004-11-18 - 4:56 p.m. yee-uh

So, I saw the Dresden Dolls last night, thanks to Kurt. It was an amazing time. I saw some people I know there too, which was cool. We missed the first opener, but the second one was pretty cool. The lead singer reminded me of some dark mad hatter/bird (his outfit included feathers) thing... They had some really good songs and then some ok ones. Some interesting mixes of different stuff... I donno what they're called... they're from boston. A really sexy band... but not as sexy as the Dresden Dolls, who fucken rocked! They played lots of amazingly amazing songs. I wish more people would have been dancing though because that would have been really rock. I guess people who dress goth to see punk cabaret are to cool to dance. Something like that. It's fanciful but the Dresden Dolls playing at the gilman would be cool because I think people would dance. But then the gilman would be really full and overcrowded (not that busy nights at the gilman are bad, actually they are good cause the gilman hasnt been seeing as many people attending shows as they used to crycrycry). So pretty much I can die now that I've seen the Dolls live. HA! Possibly one of the best shows I've been to yet... if not it's defiently up there...

Today I have no theatre class so I am in the computer lab instead. For like an hour and a half I have... I wish there was somewhere to take a nap because I'm hella tired. *falls asleep at computer*

I did my homework last night for english and then it wasn't due cause my teacher hadn't come to class last tuesday (I didn't either, I stayed home sick) and so yeah I get to revise it. And guess what tuesday is draft day in english YAY!

I wrote a really bad term paper for psychology yesterday, it took a long time to do... RAR. I hope I get an ok grade.

So yesterday I made a really good mac and cheese. With 5 cheeses. I will tell you about it. You cook the macaroni, and you melt some butter in two pots, one of them you cook some onion in, the other you take off the heat and mix with breadcrumbs. Then once the onions are cooked you add some flour, then you stir in some milk. After that you mix in some cheese (I used lots of different kinds but I'm sure one would work) then you grease a pan, put the macaroni in it, pour the cheese sauce over the macaroni and sprinkle the breadcrumbs over the whole thing. Then bake it for 20 min at 350... and tada! Delicious and easy mac and cheese, home made! It was tasty and Chuck liked it and Rachel liked it and I liked it. YAY! I forget what all the cheeses were there was smoked gouda, sharp cheddar, smoked cheddar, munster, pepper jack and something else...

We are going to costco today. Woo.

^_^

2004-11-15 - 10:35 p.m. I have a disease

I keep writing poetry lately. I don't really know why. I just feel like it. It's not very good either but oh well.

I have this problem. I really need to see the Dresden Dolls. But to do that I need to (on tuesday) get to san francisco and (on wednesday) get to san francisco and get a ticket... I might go despite having no money. I really need to see them. BAHHH.

My baby rats are getting mucho bigger.

I need to sleep more so I can be awake tomorrow.

^_^

2004-11-15 - 1:31 p.m. PCD YRUU con #25 ish (damn thats a lot)

So the con was a good one. I got a ride with Kurt, and we were the only people there at 6, and then when youth started to arrive at 7 it was just us and no staff or adults were there, so I called Kevin and Hillary and found out that they would be there shortly. We ate some pizza for dinner... Derek and Kevin and I spent a lot of time shopping. There was a cute guy working at the grocery store so Kevin and I were oogling. So then there was lots of hanging out. We started making breakfast that night. We played some cards and I ended up playing cards, talking and making breakfast all night. Breakfast was Home fries and tofu scramble, it was all pretty tasty.
I still didn't sleep after breakfast. Instead I started making lunch. Although Kevin was asleep and I didnt feel like waking him. I made some platters of stuff tp put on sandwiches, and some minestrone. Almost all by myself, except for Frank helped me chop some things. Otherwise all me. It was a really good lunch. I made the most awesome sandwich for myself with mustard, mayo, cheese, salami, turkey, lettuce, tomato, onion, avacado, cucumber and pickles on wheat bread. YUMM.
I still didn't sleep but I hung out a bunch. I'm not sure what I did... but I did it. Oh actually I took a short nap at that time. Then we started on dinner. I made kevin make lasagna because I was breat from lunch. I made a bitchin salad tho. We made cookies and brownies too.
Dinner was also hella good to eat.
After dinner, there was mondo hanging out. Some of my cohorts and I had a tea party... which was really amusing. We also had a dance party. w00t.
People watched some nightmare before christmas in the afternoon and some invader zim in the evening too...
I went to the worship on saturday and it was nice.
I actually did sleep that night. We had an easy breakfast in the morning. We all decided that since the church had nowhere for us to be on sunday and we all had rides there we would just leave early. So we did.
So Kurt and I drive home, and I had a short nap on the way, and I get there and I'm like where are my keys I cant find my keys. But I later found out that I had them all along. But then we decide to go to San Jose where Chuck and Rachel are... and they're playing games at Niki's. So both of us decided to stay there and we all played games and then there was pizza. It was good times.
I actually got sleep, but not enough so that I'm not hella tired. I woke up cause I had to go to school and take a test to see if I qualify for financial aid cause I dont have a diploma yet. It was pretty easy and I'll probably pass. I should get the results in like 10 buisiness days.
So the con was good, but there were some things that came up. One of the adults from the Fresno congregation who was being an advisor, was concerned with things going on at the con. She said stuff about people using language, that were wasnt enough progamming, that she didn't like our rules. So she called Fresno kids parents and they came and got some of the kids. She didn't really discuss things with us before she did this. This made some people (me and others) reallllly mad. The con was ok anyway and we're going to talk about it in council.
Some things are coming up in council regarding the PCD board. They have some notion that they can tell YRUU what to do. Which is hella lame. They made a bunch of decisions without talking to us about it first. It sounds really similar to say... the woman mentioned above. We are going to have meetings and talks and so on about this. Restricting youth empowerment = NONONONO.
All of this stuff came up in the past couple of days, and I'm seriously considering running for council next year, because if things like this don't get straightened out it's going to be a big disaster. I can't leave YRUU when they really need me. That's what I get for being as reliable as I am most of the time.
Ok so I don't think sick kids should ever come to cons. But they do and they get me sick. BAH.
I'm tired. I need a nap.
I hope I make it to a Dresden Dolls show this week.
^_^

2004-11-09 - 11:16 p.m. And yoooouuuuuu....

2004-11-08 - 7:46 p.m. Weekend update

San Jose was fun, kinda. Mostly I hung out at my parents house. Todd came over on Saturday and that was cool... I went to Fresno and then the only people who actually came to the meeting were the people in the same car as me. Now I also need to find a ride to Fresno next week so I can go to the conference. Then I spent an extra night and then I hung out some more... and I did some helpful stuff (not a ton but a little) at their house... now if I'd just do that at my own house... then like my mom took me home. I got some stuff this weekend, I got a fuzzy black scarf... and a stuffed Arlene beanie baby from the garfiels movie, so it's grey and it has a tag that says arlene so it's actually my kitty. ^_^ and my mom got me a present. She said she must have missed me a lot or something and so she got me a flaming chalice necklace (the CLF one) which I used to have one of from COA but I lost that one... its funny that I've gone through 3 other chalice necklaces other than this one as far as I remember... I guess I'm good at having things break...

I got $$ for jr high con. I think I'll cash the check and since I don't know if anyone else is going to do it I'll buy beads and mailbag stuff if I have the time before friday. I'm thinking if there aren't that many kids at the con I'll make hella good food... or I'll just make what I originally planned to make. Oh yeah and we were planning around some meeting that was gonna be at the church on saturday morning but we don't have to anymore so that makes it easier to figure out where people will sleep and stuff. We can have one building (the sanctuary and so on) be the loud space and there is another building (Which has lots of couches and comfy things) as the quiet space. We spent a long time working around not having the sanctuary, but now we don't have to worry. I need to plan out my menu as to how much food I will need to make. I'm thinking at max 30-40 people so it will be smaller... I should look up recipes... and find the menu I made.

My cat smells really bad.

I should do my english homework. BLAGHHH... I mean.. hooray... I mean...merh.

Meowmeowmeow...

^_^

ps- I think it's funny how everyone titles it "weekend update" like on SNL

2004-11-06 - 9:10 a.m. San Jose

So I decided to spend the weekend in San Jose, because it's better here... and my parents are here too. My old room is like a place to hang out now and so I got some privacy and a couch to spend the night in.
I'm supposed to go to a meeting in Fresno tomorrow but I think I'll just go to church and if someone is going from church to the meeting then I'll go, but if not I will just have to miss it.
I need to think more about what I'm going to cook for the con next week. I made a menu, but I think I should figure out some specific recipes. I don't know how many people are going to show up though, so I'll probably have to go shopping once I get there.
Gabriel is a really annoying kitty. With sharp claws.
Blahlala.
^_^

2004-11-03 - 9:01 p.m. Hohum

It's only 8:30 but for some reason it feels a bit like bedtime.

I actually did my homework tonight, getting around to studying on the quiz I have in psych may not happen though.

Is it possible to ignore something for four years? Hmm...
Time does pass rather quickly these days.

I want to think of an analogy for scratching the side of the litter box or the floor or the wall without moving any litter around...

^_^

2004-11-03 - 1:04 p.m. -

4 more years, 4 more years.
*crying*
Democracy is dead,
so is the Democratic party
and liberalism
and also critical thinking.

2004-11-02 - 6:06 p.m. Election Day

I went to school today. I am slipping! I didn't do my english homework last night and then I found out that I got a C on my gov't exam... I guess I'll just have to actually study for the rest of my govt exams because I'm not happy with a c.
There was a pro-peace (anti-war) rally today at school. There was free food but I had already eaten. There is always free food at school. Anyway there was an ex chabot student who was in the marines and had refused orders (back in the day) because he disagreed with going to war. So he went awol and then he turned himself in and they tried to give him the death penalty. So a lot of people got together and supported him and he got his sentence to go down and down until they made a deal that he admit that he defied orders and go to military jail for 6 months or something. And they gave him a dishonorable discharge, and said he'd never amount to anything. Well he started working with people helping curb crime and stuff and now he works for the city of san jose. So he really accomplished a lot. It was a neat story.
There was a rap artist who was really good and then talked about getting peace movements going again and how its really lame that everyone who was doing anti war stuff refocused on getting people to vote for Kerry and forgot that there was still a war and even kerry was for it. It was a cool rally.
I got on the bus and then I walked like 20 miles to get to my polling place. They were not the nicest people ever either. The guy seemed annoyed when I asked for a paper ballot. Hmph. I voted though, on paper, and I have a stub and a sticker.
I am really tired and hungry and I've been elected to make dinner so I think I'm going to do that now.
I'm really nervous about the results of the election. President and mb the senate has a CHANCE of not being GOP, but with our luck it will all be GOP forever and ever :'( CRYCRYCRY
^_^

2004-11-01 - 8:54 p.m. HOHO HEHE HAHA

I've been a little grumpier than usual the past few days. I'm not really sure why. I've been snapping at people and stuff. I don't like feeling like this. Like it's all mood swingy too, I'm all ok and then something bothers me. Maybe if I feel some feelings that I've been feeling then I can get stuff out and feel better. I might go to San Jose next weekend and stay with my parents and hang out with people in San Jose and... go to a stupid meeting on Sunday in Fresno.

I can't get ahold of Hillary. I really need to ask her stuff about YRUU money and bah.

Chuck is feeling ill so we will have to take the bus to school... and I will have to WALK after school up to East St to go vote. I am crazy annoyed by this.

Todd and Rachel and I went to this ice cream place in the city where they have lots of cool flavors and they have vegan ice cream too. It was super tasty. YUM. We walked from the bart in the Mission to Bernal Heights though, it was ok but I would have rather taken the bus or something.

I am listening to some music hoping that it will make me feel less stressy. It's working a little, but I have to do some homework soon. Blah.

I'm not sure what I want to do, part of me wants some alone time, but also to be with people, but like different people than the ones I see more often. I think I just thought of it. When I get all stressy I can do something creative and it makes me feel better. :) Playing guitar, drawing, whatever.

The Dresden Dolls are playing two shows in SF this month. I'm stoked. I will at least make it to one if not both. One is at Amoeba and is free... the other is at GAMH... mmmmmm Dresden Dolls... LIVE...

^_^

PS- They're coming to take me away,
Haha, they're coming to take me away,
Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,
To the funny farm
Where Life is Beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those Nice Young Men
In their Clean White Coats
And they're coming to take me AWAY,
HA HAAAAA