2005-07-14 - 8:45 p.m. Byebye

2005-05-31 - 10:51 p.m. Baycon

I guess I should post.

2005-05-18 - 7:23 p.m. ohhhh lalalala ohhhhh

Tomorrow is the last regular day of school. Then finals.

I saw Jason Webley again last night. This show was much more intimate than the Gilman show of course. It was really fun though except sitting on a hard floor for a long time isn't so fun. Afterwards a few of us went and got mexican food and hung out with Jason, who is a really cool guy.

2005-05-15 - 9:02 p.m. JJJJJJJjJJjjjjJjJ

I might get a job as a library page at the Hayward library. I got an invitation to take a test for it which is on June 23. So I guess if I do well or something I might get the job. This would be really good as I need a job.

I saw Jason Webley last night at the Gilman. He was really amazing and it was punk prom so people dressed up and stuff. Jason has a tomato car which is a red toyota corolla with a big green stem on top. The contests for king and queen were really amusing as everyone had to do a talent and so they had a bunch of them do their thing at the same time. The queen one including Suzy reciting a poem while Dax played Jason Webleys accordion and this other girl danced. During Jason's set everyone was really into it and it was crazy and some chicks got mostly naked (yes, there were boobies) and some guy was on top of some chick right on the stage and I had to cling to kurt for dear life when everyone was turning around getting drunk with their tomatoes in the air. And we all got to be tomato scouts and stuff. I <3 Jason. I'ma go again on tuesday to see him in Half Moon Bay. I'm missing the 2 shows in between (tonight and tomorrow) cause I am tired and have no transportation.

So we are going to move, but we don't know exacly where yet. We really want to be within reasonable walking distance of a part station which would make it much easier for those of us with no car (2/3 of us) to be able to get where we need to go. So in the east bay, by bart, 2 or 3 bedrooms a reasonable amount of space (we have a lot of stuff) and it needs to allow cats. If you know anything about a place like this mb you might tell us. We're thinking end of june.

I actually ate both breakfast and lunch today, I'm bakinga frozen quiche for dinner. Yum. It needs to hurry up and finish. We got it from costco awhile ago and don't have the box anymore so I'm guessing on the temp and time... ehhh...

It is kinda lame that we're going to move and I might get a job here in hayward downtown which is really convenient for where we're going to move out of.

^_^

2005-05-07 - 9:45 a.m. When you hear the spirit calling...

2005-05-06 - 5:55 p.m. Friday Five

Here is the friday five for 5/6/05

1.) Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?
I believe in love, but not at first sight. I DO however beleive in lust at first sight. I also beleive that if it's the right person you can connect with them right away, but it takes a little more (at least circumstances, mutual friends or something) to get anywhere near love at first sight.

2.) What physical feature attracts you the most (romantically) to another person?
Hmm... I guess the face? HAHA. I really like it if someone has beautiful eyes. Kissable lips are nice too. Nice hair doesn't hurt. Things in general I'm attracted to are lower back and... butt :) Upon thinking about it though, nice eyes are very very attractive.

3.) What do you think is the biggest benefit of being in a romantic relationship?
There are many benefits, I guess companionship is a really big one for me. I also value having someone to give lots of love to becasue that is always nice.

4.) Biggest downside?
Uhh... it's a lot of work, but the work is totally worth it. Maybe jealousy kind of sucks, both being jealous and having other people be jealous.

5.) Has your idea of love and romance changed? If so, how?
I guess some things I thought only could be inside of a romantic relationship I have discovered don't nececarily have to be and they can still be very meaningful (maybe not quite as much as they are inside)
I am much more disillusioned with romance and love than I used to be, that leads to insecurity and stuff but... oh well.
I was thinking about how we share all of ourselves with people and it ends and we go do it all over again, it's kinda weird. But I guess each relationship is something new and you learn things from it so it's okay.

I'm really hungry. Hey, I actually did a friday five on the same day it was put out!

^_^

2005-05-05 - 2:20 p.m. ipod!

I just received my "new" ipod in the mail!
It's very shiny just like the old one but very shiny. This was totally worth the $100 or so.
It's so shiny! Possibly the shiniest ipod I've ever seen.
I'm chargering it up right now and then I'm gonna put lotsa music on it.
I've also put the language as french. hahah.

I taught myself some bodyparts today by translating "head shoulders knees and toes" only I made it head shoulders knees and feet instead because it makes it rhyme, you know how toes rhymes with nose? well nai rhymes with pied. :P

I'm so glad the french test is over. this ipod is making me happy.

I bought some really cool rice. It's a bunch of kinds of brown rice all mixed together. I think it'll be really good.

Bart and Millhouse find my room incredibly interesting.

I've gotten an idea for organizing my clothing so I will actually put it away. Sort it BEFORE I wash it, that way when I fold it I only have to put it all in one place. I might actually try it.

I'm so tired.

I signed up for lots of classes yesterday. I already said that I did but not what the classes are. English 4, english 12 (fiction writing class), anthro 3, music 1, and french 1b. It's only 17 units... if it's too much I can drop something...

^_^

2005-05-04 - 9:41 p.m. Vegan diet for asthma

I've been reading up a little on asthma and stuff, and apparently eating vegan (or eating lots of fruits, veggies, whole grains and nuts) can help asthma. One thing just said to eat balanced meals tho. I also read that milk is good tho.
I might be willing to try a diet like this if it would really mean that my asthma would get better.
The thing the thing that would make it hard though is all the junk sitting around this house. How can I do the diet when I'm always tempted to just eat junk food?

I have a french test tomorrow and I don't really know anything. I guess I should try to study but I really don't feel like it at all. I am tense and stressed and tired. Maybe I need another nap.

I signed up for some classes. Basically I need to take a lot of classes if I am going to finish what I want by the time I want. I guess I should take some summer classes but that makes getting a job for the summer harder. I really don't want to have to take an extra semester of classes then wait around until the next fall to go to university. I don't know what to do. I need lots of classes so I can transfer.

I got panties that say "cutie" on them! And argyle fake vans slip ons!

I am incredibly tense I need like 50 massages right now only I have a very ticklish back so only on my neck and shoulders.

^_^

2005-04-29 - 7:38 a.m. thunder only happens when it's raining.

This was pretty funny, Millhouse on one side of a door and rocky on the other, Millhouse sticks his paw under the door because rocky is there, and then Rocky sticks his paw under the door and when Millhouse sees it he bats at it. Silly kitties.

I had a really crazy dream. I know a lot of other things went on in it but the silly part was this... I had somehow gotten 4 cats that looked like Arlene (plain grey kitty) only one of them had her collar and tag. But they all acted kinda like her except that they didn't all hiss and run away from each other (they were all the same cat?) there being 4 of them kind of helped explain my cats neurotic behavior. Anyway I wanted to know which one was really her and I thought it was the one with the tag but I wasnt sure. So we took all 4 Arlenes to the vet, and also Bart (Arlene's son) and thought we could do a test to see if they were related (Jerry Springer of kitty world) so... the vet have us like needles to draw blood, some other weird stuff happened I'm not sure if there was a result.
Anyway later in the night I remember telling people about this dream in other dreams I had. Haha. When I sort of woke up I guess I thought to myself I gotta remember this and I did...

I think I ate too much grease yesterday.

Yay Hitchhikers today! BTW if you're not doing anything a bunch of us are going to camera 12 (San Jo) tonight for the 7:25 show.

I keep waking up really early. Yuck.

^_^

2005-04-24 - 10:00 a.m. Cats

We have four cats living here now. , Millhouse, Bart and Arlene.
Arlene had a short run in with Rocky but he was good and ran away from Arlenes crazyness. She was all puffy and hissing so I put her food and water in my room and shut the door until her next venture outside my room where she might run into Rocky again. It'll be okay though because she spends most of her time in here anyway. I hope we're not putting a lot of stress on her more than usual.
Bart and Millhouse have been hissing a little but Rocky is sauntering around exploring and having a good time it seems.
He likes attention too.
I like kitties.

I got some new clothes at Target the are really cute. :) I couldn't find the pink litterbox in the store tho, I dont want to pay for shipping for something like a litter box. Maybe I'll see one I like at the pet store. Rocky's is really cool.
Rocky also likes opening closets with sliding doors.

^_^

2005-04-16 - 10:50 p.m. bunny, cute fluffy bunny

2005-04-10 - 8:05 p.m. people eating tasty animals

2005-04-07 - 8:59 a.m. I guess it was something I ate

People and their drama... it's like... how my cat makes drama with the other cats. It's like "you exist and I hate that"
Many times I try to avoid drama. I do this by keeping my mouth shut. Not that I'm not known to even create my own drama once in awhile.

I woke up in the middle of the night to pee... as I was walking out of the bathroom I realized that I had to do more than that. I felt very nauseous, and not my regular I've had too much grease type of thing but way like I was really going to vomit. I did. My stomach hurt afterward. I brushed my teeth and drank some water and went back to bed. It was very unpleasant. I'm not sure what caused me to do this.

I decided to stay home because I'm overtired and I don't want to run the risk of vomiting at school.

Instead I think I will try to do some useful things today.
And maybe take a nap.
And try not to vomit.

^_^

2005-04-06 - 10:44 p.m. kavakavakava

I went to some school today and I did a presentation. It wasn't the best presentation ever. Oh well. a^2 + b^2 = c^2 ok?

I went to santa cruz with people. We ate at saturn cafe, I got a flt and a rootbeer float. Yum. I also stole a bite of chocolate beanutbutter tofu pie with banana on top.

We went to the beach. The water wasn't too cold either. But I only got up to my knees or whatever. It was fun.
We went to the food bin which looked interesting and really was a really cool place.
I got a kava drink at the food bin and then when we got back to san jo I was thinking of getting some kava tea and todd was all lets get some at whole foods so I was all ok. Then we were like oh trader joes is across the street and I wanted some greek yogurt so we got that and stuff. And lots of food.

I've now had the kava tea and am feelin fine. I think I have homework and projects and stuff but I dont want to worry about those.

I wish I had cuddles today. Alas.

Wooo I'm tired.

^_^

2005-04-04 - 10:51 p.m. Me, a year ago.

I know it's probably pretty foolish of me to look back onto who I was a year ago. Or maybe it's not.
I guess I have come a long way.
When I look back on the past (which is readily available to read about in easily linked lj entries) I see just how far it is.

A year ago I felt like my life was falling apart completely, and I had no concept even of the thought that my life would go on, or even get better. I realize now that there are many things back then that I have changed and grown upon, but also there are things that I have backtracked on. My growth mainly has involved growing into my young adulthood. I feel like I have more motivation to do things now. I know I am not the most motivated person on earth, but I also know that I would never ever quit school nowadays. It is a big difference that it is college and not high school but I have been studying at least enough to get A's on my tests and so on. I don't feel so hopeless anymore.
But there are things that I have not improved and indeed things that have become worse. I suppose a big thing is my social life. I have moved to hayward and so I do not see my friends as much any more. Also many people have moved or gone to college and I don't see them anymore. These don't matter so much though.
I guess I have started to feel numb to a lot of things. Maybe my life is going well but I feel like I have lost some of my courage. Like I don't just write what I want anymore in here. That probably is healthier and unhealthier in different ways.
I can't remember the last time I wrote something too thoughtful about anything or myself in here.
I feel like all of my expressions have turned into about three thoughts and I really have to strain to get anything out because my mind is so fuzzy a lot of the time.
I guess I don't have as much time to contemplate on myself. I am pretty busy filling my mind with schoolwork and things to get my mind off of school work. I really like school though. But I want to get deeper.
I want to delve into my own ideas and not just absorb the ideas of others. I guess if I must I should take some classes that might help me with things like this.
Maybe if I don't feel comfortable writing everything in lj (although I do like the input from others) I should write it in my paper journal. I guess if I really want people's input I need to reach out to them and talk. I feel like lately I don't really talk to more than 3 people a lot on a regular basis so I don't get a lot of input. I feel weird talking to people about things, but if I do get a chance to talk with someone I am very comfortable with, I feel very connected to them and glad to have gotten their input on something.
But words don't come out of me a lot unless I am in a very comfortable situation. With people I know well. Well there aren't a lot of people I know around to talk to anymore.

Wow, now I'm only talking about my issues right now. Until right now, I guess I feel uneasy a lot, but I haven't been able to articulate these ideas until just now.
I guess thinking back to a time when I could more easily idetify things that were wrong (maybe because I didn't just automatically repress them but I thought about them instead) reminded me of what that was like.

When I started writing this post I had come up with the topic, but as I started the first couple of sentences I couldn't think of what to say. Now it is flowing out of me like some big dam of conciousness has broken in my brain. My thoughts are still a little fuzzy though.

Last year I was me, but younger, I have grown a lot.
I'm not sure if last year is the best time to think about. It was all falling apart. I guess it's a nice contrast to today, but I am still emotional about some of the big things that happened then.

^_^

2005-03-30 - 8:53 p.m. Friday Fives

I know it's not friday but I forgot to do it two weeks in a row. So I'm going to do both. I couldn't think of the answers for last weeks but I've just come up with them!

The Friday Five for March 18. 2005

1. What are your five favorite all time TV shows?
Buffy, The Simpsons, MASH, Laverne & Shirley, The Price is Right (runner ups, Angel, ALF, lots of bad old sitcoms from the 70's/80's)

2. What five things you want to do before the year is out?
Learn to bowl better, get all or mostly A's, turrn 20, take a trip somewhere, take some classes I can learn a lot from (interpersonal communication, music classes, some other classes)

3. Who are five people (alive, dead, or otherwise) you would want to have dinner with?
Err, limiting it to five is hard, but I want to just say with my family because it would be awkward to have dinner with a bunch of famous people. If we include people who have passed away I might include my great grandpa and my grandpa. But just with my family would be fine and could actually happen.

4. Where are five places (cities, states, countries, etc.) you would like to visit?
France, UK, New York, Canada, Anaheim (I <3 DL) (runners up Japan, lots of places in the medeteranian)

5. What are your five favorite desserts?
Tiramisu, thai tea ice cream, fried banana with coconut ice cream or honey, craploads of chocolate, chocolate tofu pie.

Friday Five for 03.25.05

1. What is your favorite movie of all time?
I have a lot of favorite movies but for the sake of this post I will say Star Trek IV

2. How often do you watch this movie?
Recently, not much maybe once a year or every two years. I've seen it many times.

3. What's your favorite line out of the whole movie?
"Double dumb-ass on you!"
Runner up: "where they keep the nukleeyar vessel?"

4. Who's your favorite character from this movie?
Spock... or Kirk

5. What scene do you love the most?
The scene on the bus where Spock gives the Vulcan death grip to the punk who's playing the loud music on the bus.
Runners up:
The scene where Spock dives into where the whales are and comes up and is like "gracie is pregnant" and that woman (I think her name is Amanda is like "how did you know that?" and Spock is like... "she told me" and shes like totally confused."

Hey, someone make me study, and tell me to stop eating candy!

^_^

2005-03-30 - 8:54 a.m. Cobra v. Mongoose

Okay. So I took the first half of that essay test and I think I did okay. Now I have to study like mad today so I can do okay on the next one. By the way my teacher has made it so the entire class is based on her opinion. Hopefully her opinion of my essay test is that it is good. And if not that, worthy of a good grade.

I'm feeling a little down because there are a lot of tasks I have to get done from today until next week.

So I thought of something. Some people make their journals very thoughtful and stuff all the time or talk about lots of stuff... besides things that are on the surface. But I guess I don't (mb sometimes but not much anymore) really do that. But the thing is... it's a livejournal. Everyone on earth could read it if they wanted to. So I'm not going to share much because sharing is for people close to me. Just an idea I was thinking of.

I guess I should go to school today. I need to find some money for the bus. I know I have lots of change around here somewhere. I should grab some food and get dressed now.

^_^

2005-03-27 - 7:45 p.m. (dis)Stress

2005-03-16 - 9:20 p.m. Healthy Health

Who'da thunk that being more aware of what is healthy would make me want to actually act upon it.
Well... I've decided to try and be more physically healthy. Basically in diet (no, not dieting, but in the sense of eating well) and excercise.
For excercise I've decided to actually apply myself a little more in my PE class. Which basically consists of going to the gym at least 40 times during this semester. As it's like half over or so and I'm only on visit #10 or so I've decided to actually try and go to the gym every day I go to school, even if it means staying around later (which actually would encourage me to study) or waking up earlier. Not only do I want to go to the gym but I also want to do not just the circut but also some cardio (treadmil or eliptical) each time which would mean a workout of about 50 minutes. If I don't make it to the cardio every day no biggie. If I get really industrious, I can also do some extra weight training.
For my diet I want to make a few small changes at first. This is also going to help my pocketbook. I've been eating at the cafeteria at school (which can be healthy depending on what I get) a lot. So I want to take that down a notch by always bringing something to eat that's relatively healthy to school. I'm thinking about lots of healthy snackfoods to bring and nibble on.
I've already started drinking fewer liquids that aren't water.
I'm also going to stop salting my foods so much. If it has some salt in it-- fine but I really don't need to salt my dinner all the time.

I bought a pasta maker on ebay, and unknowingly I hadn't updated my shipping address, so it was sent to my parents house. Luckily Chuck and Rachel are going to be in San Jose this weekend and can get it for me. I have now updated all of my ebay addresses so it doesnt happen again.

^_^

2005-03-15 - 10:10 p.m. School

So that French test I took the other day, I got an A on!
My teacher even told me congratulations. I'm so happy about it.
I have gotten an A on all of my tests this semester so far.
I have a math test tomorrow that I think I will ace.
The week after next however there is a CA history test that I might not do so well on. I just need to study a lot. I am good at having a general idea of what is going on but specific names and dates and numbers are really not my strong point. The tests are essay tests so really I have to know the stuff like names and dates. These are things I can't even remember in real life context let alone historical. What's your name again?
My PE class I need 40 visits by the end of the semester. I have like 9 so far. That's not really enough but I am going to start going more. There is also an extra credit assignment that is worth 5 visits. Way cool. At least I will get credit.
So the scale in our bathroom is like 15 pounds higher than the scale in the locker room at school, and 10 more than the one I was weighed on in the chiropractors office. Which one is right.
So I've had two pairs of pants (stretch pants from old navy) get a rip in the ass. Today Rachel noticed it in my second pair and I decided to go to the goodwill since it was nearby and buy some pants so the other ones didnt rip more. These new pants cost $6 and are grey with a light plaid pattern, they're like golf pants or whatever like an old man would wear. I like them a lot.
I got a card at the Berkeley library so I can have like 50 library cards (it's at about 9 right now although some may have huge fines or be expeired and I'm not sure where they all are) I got East Side Story and Wuthering Heights on vhs. w00t.

^_^

2005-03-13 - 9:16 p.m. Adventure Quest

2005-03-12 - 9:37 a.m. Friday five... a day late

1) What was your favorite toy as a child?
Well in general it was stuffed animals. Specifically it was a teddy bear dressed in a plaid jumper and a white blouse who I named Scotty bear and was convinced that it was a bot because he was wearing a "kilt" despite the fact that the tag says "barbara bear"
2) What is your favorite toy now that you're "grown up"?
Definetly my computer. No question. It is a great and wondrous toy with so many possiblilities... especially when it's gooked up to the internet.
3) What is the most dangerous toy you had growing up?
You know, I've never really been one for danger so I really can't name anything. Maybe TV. haha
4) What is the most dangerous toy you have now?
Uhh... computer? Haha dangerous because it sucks up all of my time. I guess I have a bicycle and that could potentially be quite dangerous.
5) What one toy do you wish you had/have?
I have all kinds of crap already. I guess I wish I had a car and knew how to drive it. It would probably be more of a tool though because I would be using it to get from place to place. I also wish my ipod worked better. Uhm... clothes? I just thought of something I really want actually. It's a pasta maker, the kind with the crank. You make the dough and it rolls it out and then it cuts it for you. Then I will make pasta for someone who really likes pasta...

2005-03-12 - 1:56 a.m. You are being watched!

What a great day I had hanging out with Kurt and Ferg. We all went to the beach and then to see Babyland. I got sunburned at the beach. It was fun anyway.

Something occured to me today. Just a thought, some ideas from and inspired by others put together. See... the labels we put on ourselves really don't totally describe who we are. They may describe something about us that includes much less or much more than what there actually is. Like a really there's no reason to classify sexes and sexuality and relationships when basically all of these things are really different for each and every person. So while I may identify myself as a straight female with a boyfriend. That isn't to say that I nececarily always feel like this person that I've created that people might expect me to be when they know these defining terms. What I'm really trying to explain to you was a thought that made me feel pretty happy. Basically it is that these terms that shape how a person presents themselves and how they identify, don't really matter in a certain context. That context is happiness! All of these things matter not. I guess it's obvious. It doesn't matter how you're labeling yourself, as long as it's what is good for YOU then you should be happy.
The thing is, society puts all of these expectations on everyone. If you fit in the "norm" there is no problem usually. But because of these defining terms and people being unknowledgable and having closed minds, it makes it not okay for certain people who have labeled themselves as something someone doesn't like... from being able to be happy with what they do and who they are.
Let's forget the labels, we're all people and we can just get to know each other as people and not as some contrived version of a "person"

I had that French midterm the other day. I think I got a B or a C on it. I crammed right before which is lame.

^_^

2005-03-06 - 9:32 p.m. a staple for relaxation and calm

Lavender that is.

2005-03-02 - 4:26 p.m. Nice surprise!

I came home, got the mail and saw that there was something for me from the financial aid office at school. It's a check for $200! Cool!

I don't even know what I've been doing lately. I've been putting off making lemon bars a lot. Maybe tomorrow or friday.

There is a french midterm next thursday so I'm trying to study at least a little bit on that.

I know that I will get at least 2 A's this semester. My other classes I will have to work a lot harder to get As and it's quite possible that I won't get them.

I saw the chiropractor the other day and saw xrays of my back, it could use work according to them but I can't afford it. And I'm slightly skeptical.

I've been attempting to get myself to be a little more productive lately and it's worked a little bit. Not as much as I will eventually want it to be. When I'm not productive I start to feel guilty because of obligations and that if I really want to get to where I want to be I have to work hard and on a regular basis.

I know it's silly but I look foreward to Baycon all year. Every once in awhile I think about it and get really excited. I really like Baycon and this year should prove to be quite enjoyable.

I'm going to drink lots of water now and then take a shower too. I will water myself.

I hate to talk about bodily things, but I had some pretty terrible cramps yesterday. It was really lame especially since I don't usually get them that bad.
Along those lines I learned that you can have a miscarriage and not even know it. If you're in early pregnancy and you don't know it you might just think it's your preiod but it can really be a miscarriage. Also stress might add to the possiblility of one having a misscarriage because intense stress does some hormonal thing that makes your body hostile and reject the pregnancy.

I got an A on my health take home test. Yay. I don't know if I said it before but my first test in math I got an A too.

^_^

2005-02-23 - 10:09 p.m. Cal grant stuff

Whaaat. So I was looking online about cal grants... and it says that if you already put in a GPA verification you are elidgible for renewals of the cal grant for up to 8 semesters, and you don't need to put in the GPA verification again.
So as I understand it, all I really need to do is finish filling out my FAFSA form and get that done by next wednesday and I'll still be elidgible for a cal grant for next year.
How cool is that.
I was going to study french today. I didn't go to french class today. I need to study french like mad like every day especially before the midterm that is very soon.
Not spending lots of money on stuff online is hard. Everything is so cute but I don't know if I buy clothes if they will fit... :P
^_^

2005-02-22 - 9:47 p.m. Worn out.

I'm worn out. Mentally and physically right now.
I have a lot of things that I need to do and I try to do them quickly because I let them pile up but really I just need to do them steadily and they will get done.
Errgh speaking of that I don't know if I will be able to get my cal grant application in in time for the deadline. I hear the high school is on break and I need a gpa verification... damn. I don't even have the fafsa filled out because my parents havent done their taxes yet and I need their info. Damn it.
I had a really good time at the con and nom com was pretty bitchin.
So I was thinking of something about YRUU. I read in some document (mb it was "How to be a con artist") that older youth are good as long as they don't use the community for acting like they are younger than they are or something like that. Well okay, the thing is, I think I do act younger than I usually do at conferences. Although I do often have a leadership role so in a way I'm still being somewhat responsible. Anyway, so really instead of acting younger than I am I kind of feel like I'm acting... my age. If that makes any sense. I try to act a bit older a lot in my normal life because I usually hang out with older people a lot, and the dynamic is a little different than with my friends that are my age or a bit younger. So hmm. I was just thinking about that. I miss being with people my age more, not that I don't like the usual crowd. I don't want to grow up faster than I need to although in a lot of ways I still act pretty young, in a lot of other ways I'm getting a lot more mature. I still revert to child mode a lot when I'm in a tough situation is what I'm saying. Theres like child mode, 19 year old mode and 20 something mode. A lot of the time I go from the last to the first or the first to the last and forget the middle one.
I actually got a few things accomplished today. I went to my appointment with my health teacher. I mailed my baycon staff ap to mo, I mailed a change of address/school form to the cal grant thingy. I called my mom and asked her about cal grant (for next year) stuff and fafsa stuff. I took out the trash. I put dishes in the dishwasher. I took a nap. I did some homework.
Today wore me out though, even though I was already worn out.
I'm so very behind in french. I need to take like an entire day and study all day and do massive amounts of workbook pages to get caught up. The midterm is coming up and I'm not going to do so well if I don't get on it.
I have so many things I need to do and so much laziness. I think I need to schedule my time out and then do everything I need to do. That would be really neat I should work on that. I got a handout about it from health class.
I'm so tired.
^_^

2005-02-22 - 9:46 p.m. YRUU Songs

Listen, listen, listen to my hearts song
Listen, listen, listen to my hearts song
I will never forget you, I will never forsake you
I will never forget you, I will never forsake you

Thula klizeo nala pasa kaya
Thula klizeo nala pasa kaya
Hey kaya, nala pasa kaya
Hey kaya, nala pasa kaya
(Translated: "Be still my heart, for even here I am home.")

We are a circle, within a circle
With no beginning, and never ending

We all come from the Goddess
And to her we shall return
Like a drop of rain,
Flowing to the ocean

We are the flow, we are the ebb
We are the weavers, we are the web

Wearing my long wing feathers as I fly
Wearing my long wing feathers as I fly
I circle around
I circle around
The boundaries of the earth,
The boundaries of the sky
The boundaries of the earth,
The boundaries of the sky

Earth my body,
Water my blood,
Air my breath,
And fire my spirit�

Dear friends, dear friends
Let me tell you how I feel
You have given me all your treasures
I love you so

From thee I receive,
To thee I give
Together we share,
By this we live

All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you
All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you
Ishk Allah mabud lela
Ishk Allah mabud lela

Building bridges, between our divisions,
If I reach out to you will you reach out to me?
With all of our voices, and all of our visions,
Friends we could make such sweet harmony

How could anyone ever tell you you're anything less that beautiful
How could anyone ever tell you that you're less than whole
How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle
How deeply you're connected to my soul

2005-02-16 - 8:10 p.m. a stretch but it's thoughts like this that catch

I got some really hot and inexpensive clothes at Old Navy. Yay. Mostly nicer clothes. I'm tired of dressing like I'm 14. I think I'll get some more clothes tomorrow. Because I don't have enough clothes. And I need to spend lots of money.

What a great valentines day I had. It was very good and nice. Yeah.

So if I charge my ipod, and then use it, it works fine. But if I charge it and use it and wait awhile and then try to use it after I haven't charged it again it doesn't work at all... although if it had been playing continuosly I would have kept playing. I guess I just need to remember to plug it in.

Long weekend this week. I am glad although there is a lot of homework assigned.

I'm looking foreward to the con. I am gonna do nom com and not be on council anymore which I am looking foreward to in a big way (the second part is what I'm looking foreward to really) But in all of the 7 elections cons I've been to, I've never been on nom com before. Plus I will feel better if I get more of a say for who is on council so I don't feel as bad with not having the amazingness of me on council. Oh crap, I hope I get the check for the con in time for the con. Which is like tomorrow or the day after. I guess I can front it if I'm going to get it right back though if it doesn't come by then which it should.

So really I've been having a pretty good time lately. I took my first math test for my math class today and I think I did rather well. I hope I got an A. A's are good. I need to work on my take home test for womens health. Which you are only supposed to use your own resources on, which include notes, the book and the internet... but we're not supposed to talk to other people about it... but what if we talked over the internet? And for my oral presentation I'm going to talk about organic produce. Woowoo.

Although I am good I am quite tesnse right now. I shall ask for shoulder massages (my back is very ticklish) and then it will be better.

Hmmm for awhile a few months ago I was getting a lot of anxiety but it's getting less and less. It's nice to not be anxious all the time about every little thing. I still get moments but all in all I'm doing a lot better. I was just thinking of that.

^_^

2005-02-14 - 7:56 a.m. We live in a beautiful world.

Happy Valentines Day! For Valentines Day, here is a photo of Rita Hayworth (a 1940's pinup girl) that I added some color to.

^_^

ps- Don't get bent out of shape if you don't have a valentine. There are several other options a) Get bent out of shape because this holiday is pretty bogus and is really just a big marketing scheme b) Find one, what a better pick-up line c) Spend the day loving yourself in any way you see fit d) Forget romance and celebrate that you love a lot of people.

pps- I sincerely apologise for this silly post.

2005-02-12 - 8:34 a.m. Woodiddywoo.

So I went to uh Todds party. It was pretty fun.
The beds here are super uncomfortable compared to MY bed. PSHHH.
I'm pretty hungry.
I don't understand how we woke up at like 7am after staying up late.
I haven't been able to sleep as much lately and thats even in my own room. Though my new bed does make me want to sleep more.
I liked Garden State better the second time around.
Large amounts of Guu can rot your brain.
I made some steam buns for the party they were pretty good.
^_^

2005-02-09 - 8:56 p.m. Bedder

I have a new bed now. I am very tired after putting it together, but it is so squishy. I did a lot of it myself and then I got really frustrated and got Chuck to help. I got some sheets last night too. It's a good bed. I also took my other bed apart and put it in the garage in peices.
So it's like 9pm and I was going to study and stuff tonight but I don't know how much I will get done. I have a take home practice test that is due tomorrow but isn't worth any points. I think I should try to do it though or else my teacher will think I am a bad student. Or something. I have a small french assignment to do and loads of workbook stuff to catch up on.
I still have a little bit of illness left, mostly in my lungs or whatever. I always feel congested in my chest if that's the right way to put it. Yick.
Millhouse is a kitty kitty he goes meow meow. :P
Yay party tomorrow. Yay party friday. Yay Valentines monday. Yay conference next week.
I havent been to the gym in hella days I need to go or else badness. I dunno how much I can not go without not getting credit whatever. I will go tomorrow mb. I really have to.
I need to do homework and eat. Probably not in that order.
^_^

2005-02-06 - 9:36 p.m. What I've done.

I have a new bed. I mean, I have a new mattress and I will have the frame within the next couple of days. I also have a featherbed thing from Niki who is really cool btw. My mattress is a memory foam futon. Very comfy. I haven't slept on it yet but I imagine that it is very nice to sleep on.

I went to San Jose last night so that I could be there to go to the council meeting on today. So I caught a ride with Todd who was already heading down there. I spent the night at my partents house which was somewhat uncomfortable (the uncomfy couch and the messy house...not that my house isnt messy but not that messy) But my family is there and that is what counts. I'm not sure what I will do if I want to move back. It might involve putting massive quantities of time into cleaning, or just being lazy. The thing is that the house is a bit run down. It has lame plumbing and it's not really very well taken care of. It might be the choice though if I want to move to san jose and don't have any money.

Oh so I went to church this morning. We went hella early and then we went to the farmers market in japan town for a little bit. I got an orange and it was really good. I went to youth group and that was pretty cool. There's really no structure at the moment. I'm almost done with being able to go to youth group though, so whatevs. Then I almost went to lunch with my buds but I decided to go out with my mom and her friend. We went to the Sonoma Chicken Coop. I got a steak sandwich which was pretty good. The fries were kinda greasy (my tummy doesnt tolerate grease too well sometimes) but my mom stole some so yeah. It was fair I didn't want much more and I had stolen some of her shrimp. Then I went back to church and we had a long meeting that was mostly making the schedule. It was a little boring with the usual really amusing comments thrown in.
Then I went back to the rents for a bit and then I came home.

I hella hung out with Todd the other day saturday or whatever. That was fun. We went to smokey joes cafe then we like looked for a futon store and failed for a long time then we found one. After a long time. Then we went to my house and hung out then I dunno C & R came back home and we went to quiznos and we played games. Then Todd and I went to San Jo.

I'm also going to San Jose for parts/all of the next two weekends. So much SJ.

I'm glad there's a conference.

There is more than one thing I am looking foreward to this month.

My cat keeps randomly sitting in the litter box. No she's not using it, she's like hanging out.

It's really good to hang out with more than like 3 people, which is pretty much who I spend the majority of my time with.
It's also good to have some alone time.

I really hope I have no homework due tomorrow.

^_^

2005-01-31 - 9:28 p.m. :(

I'm really frustrated.
I think I'm getting worse.
My immune system is so lame.
Hopefully I will feel better in the morning.
My voice is hoarse and I am coughing up my lungs.
I found this song on music.download.com called Swingset chain by a band called loquat. You go find it too. I am listening to it over and over. I found some other good music on there too. :)
I drink tea now.

^_^

2005-01-31 - 1:09 p.m. Ick, I'm sick!

2005-01-30 - 12:02 p.m. The love bug will bite you if you if you don't watch out.

Watch out, if he ever bite you then you sing and shout.

This weekend has been pretty exciting.
I saw the Dresden Dolls again and they were super amazing. I also went shopping in Sacto. I bought a pair of running shoes, a duffel bag, and a disc golf disk. We went to this overpriced restaurant that was supposed to be good but it was just okay. They were out of two things and I happened to want to order those two things... lamerz.
The show was amazing, but guess who the opener was... it was the Groovie Ghoulies... they were at the Jason Webley show too... I didn't really see them before but since I was waiting for the dolls to go on I listened, they actually played a couple of good songs, but really their songs are all the same. I do like a couple of them though. The Dolls were so amazing. What was less amazing was standing for hours in a crowded club full of annoying drunk people. I'm glad I had such good company.
Friday was nothing special. Keller Williams was sold out by the time we got there. We went out to eat at Kan Zaman, and then we went to Mitchells for ice cream. You know an ice cream place is good if they have a line in winter at 9:30 pm.
Last night we made fried banana, only we haven't yet found the recipe to replicate the kind they have at the thai food place. Luckily we bought some coconut ice cream at Mitchells so it made the banana really yummy.
I woke up in the middle of the night and fely sick. My sinuses are all weird and my throat hurts. Yarrr.
All in all I'm pretty happy right now. So not everything is awesome but oh well. I complain about school but whatever. I should have done more homework this weekend. I guess I will have to do at least some today. My room is so incredibly messy. I need to clean it but gragh. So yeah, sickly, also crampy and stuff. And tired. I should go nap or do some french work or something. Probably nap first.

^_^

2005-01-25 - 9:48 p.m. YOY

My room is getting really messy. I need to work up the courage to actually clean it all the way. It's way messier than I am comfortable with.

Today in CA history my teacher (who is the really old woman I talked about before) Said "I better stop before I get too excited and pee my pants" then people laughed and she said "Did you ever laugh so hard you peed your pants?" and so people were like "no" and she said "Oh well you're really missing something" I can't believe this actually happened. More proof on the connection between CA history and kindergarten.

Working out and not taking a shower after is so gross.

We watched "Once More With Feeling" in french (not class but subbed in the french language) it was so cool. I wanna see if there's more buffy in french.

I'm excited about seeing the Dresden Dolls thursday and Keller Williams on friday... yoy! Concerty weekend.

Mmm... pear bread...

^_^

2005-01-23 - 7:51 p.m. Matching banana boxers, spiderman and ghetto buddhism.

Old navy has banana boxers, I bought two pair. :) For two people to match. ;)

I have money now. I gave some away and I'm going to spend some.

Sometimes I really hate Hayward. Sometimes I wonder if I should live in San Jose, but then I figure it's only a year and a half until I will hopefully go to university. Maybe someday I will take time off and work. I don't want to do that in hayward though. I want to go to berkeley. Or at least live in Berkeley. school... city... whatevs.

I've started a fitness program at school. I really like it, it's a bit like going to a really structured gym. I think I might bring stuff so I can shower there though, going home all sweaty is unpleasant. Already I feel icky not excercising the past few days. Maybe I will get into better health.

I'm going to go see the dresden dolls in Sacto. There is a show in San Jo but you have to win tickets and even then its 21+ PSHHH.
Then I might go see Keller Williams the day after. The guitar stylings of keller williams I pretty much worship.
There's ani to see next month but I may have to go to the santa rosa concert due to the fact that sf one during elections con.

We saw spiderman today. He was kinda short though and very young looking. Like 3 feet tall. I knew it was him though he had his mask off.

Also saw a monk with a cell phone...

My bed shopping hasn't worked yet. I need like a real futon store. I want a new frame and a futon mattress with springs inside. I might get the nicest mattress from ikea though. With the nicest mattress pad. It's a little more than I budgeted but oh well. The mattress is actually the bed and you buy legs to put on it, how weird huh. No frame needed. That's the cool thing about that particular mattress I guess. I think we will check out a futon store and if I dont like what they have go to ikea.

I'm thinking about a used ibook for cheap or a new pc laptop for cheap. We shall see I might just want to save my $$

So I guess I've been doing pretty well lately.

^_^

2005-01-18 - 4:14 p.m. School Daze

Bonjour!

Wowwww, my french teacher is amazing! He was really enthusiastic and got everyone into it. He started the class by just speaking french. I think having a really good teacher will really help me learn french!

My CA history teacher seems ok. I get the feeling that she is teaching history because SHE WAS THERE. Yeah, really old woman. She kept going off on random tangents so it took her 30 minutes just to call roll... some parts of what she said rminded me of Mr Rogers... dear lord. I'm glad I have my sister in all of my classes (something which this teacher not only pointed out but asked about).

Yay tomorrow should be exciting... more school. Health and french and math! And orientation for the fitness center.

I should try out for the school play... the auditions started today but I can prolly go tomorrow or if they have them on thursday too the day after... hmmm...

I got my term paper and final from my psych teacher in the mail today. I got a 100 on my term paper which was about procrastination (that I procrasinated heavily on) w00t! I got A's on pretty much everything in that class and I got an A for my whole grade... more classes should be like that. :)

^_^

2005-01-16 - 9:25 a.m. Flakey!

Friday was quite interesting... one of the end results of that day is a stand up cardboard Spike... (you know, vampire from Buffy)
I saw Jason Webley. He was amazing as usual.
Laid around a lot yesterday.
I was supposed to go to the sleepover at Brynas and then there was a meeting this morning, but I decided that getting sleep and not being stressed/annoyed/bored would be a good thing. And with only a couple days until school starts... using vacation for actual vacationness... I'll be at the next meeting.
I konw that it sounds insane and stupid but I keep thinking about running for council. I really need to NOT do this. I needed to NOT do it last year but someone convinced me...
I'm kinda excited for elections con. I need to get my rear in gear with the money thing...
I totally thought that I had more to say.
I probably do but not right now...

^_^

2005-01-12 - 11:11 p.m. Frosting disaster and other stories

I took that "what age are you" meme and I got 24. I can't totally disagree. I've been feeling a lot older lately. And by this time next year I will be 20... I guess a lot of it has to do with moving out of my parents house. I look back on that time and I feel really guilty. I did a lot of mean stuff and I had my mom do a lot more for me than I should have as an 18 year old (or even a younger teenager) should have. I go to college and get good (ish) grades and I have a clean (er...ish...) room, and I do housework. I'm getting older in a lot of ways but I know that I'm not totally grown up. I do know I've grown a lot in the past half-year.

I spend all my time with older people. I guess it's not that weird in that I'm doing more of the "adulty" thing, but sometimes I just feel like I need to spend some time with people my age (which I've had a serious lack of in the past like YEAR or so...) what to do when you're 19 and all of the people you spend time with are 20 or 30 somethings. Being a teenager is slipping away from me and I'm really going to miss it. I feel like I wasted some of it. Like a big hunk of it. : I only have 11 months left. And what do I do, nothing.

Seeing the new mini mac and having an ipod are really making me think. I'm not really sure if I want to spend the money but I keep thinking about getting a new computer. I mean, my computer is just fine, but what if I got another one... I'm not sure what for other than to just have a better computer tho. I don't really know a lot about the components or anything tho. But the more I think about getting a computer the more I think bout getting a mac... it goes a little bit against my beleifs but apple has really gotten a lot more friendly in the past few years. By this I mean osx and the hardware are stable, everything seems pretty ergonomic, its getting super super pc compatible, and shit, they're pretty. Fah. I guess I should save my money. We will see... I'd also like to buy clothing and such. And pay for trips or whatever.

Another thing I want to get is a new bed. My old bed is a frame from a bunkbed that's been around since before me, and a futon mattress that is getting a bit old. So upgrading will be equal to a new frame, and either a foam mattress or a futon with springs. And full size instead of twin. I think I need to go to both the futon store and ikea to really get an idea of what I want. Hmmm.

So the reason I keep thinking about buying things is I'm supposed to get financial aid money soon. Since I didn't get all of my paperwork and stuff done in time for last semester, I'll get that and the money for half of this semester. If everything goes as I understand it I should get money relatively soon.

Speaking of that. School is starting next tuesday... monday and wednesday (10:30-2:45) I have french then womens heath then math 40 (which I hope isn't too hard for me) then on tues and thurs (9:00-11:45) I have history of CA and french. Then theres also pe which is working out in the fitness center. All of my classes are with my sister. Oh boy. School four days a week will be interesting. Better than 5 I suppose, though not as nice as 2... yeah so that's me and my 16 units. I'm probably going to try out for the school play too. This is most likely going to be equal to having very little free time. Good thing I actually like college (this is relative, people)

So, the thing is. Pyzanos pizza is really good. I think it's a funny thing that the place is almost entirely staffed by teenagers. That's just bonus though. What I like is the large amounts of cheese that go onthe pizzas. I love cheese so much. The other thing I like is a certain topping. They put fresh tomato on after they cook the pizza. So yum raw tomato on cooked pizza. It's really good. Do they do that at other places?

OH yeah. So Todd came over with a gingerbread house. We decorated it. Only I think I ate more frosting and candy (and dried fruit) than I put on the little house. The house turned out kinda random cause we had the christmassy stuff plaus halloweeny stuff and heart things so it was all random. We took some pictures. Anyway I started going insane once I ate a little bit of sugar I totally went nuts and started eating everything covered in frosting. You have no idea how it is to eat lots of candy covered in frosting. Then I had donuts (I made some this afternoon) with frosting. Then I got out the dried mango... and OMG I put frosting on it. I don't have any idea what posessed me to do this. I guess it was the sugar high. Anyway I'm pretty nauseous now. Mb I should drink a lot of water and eat some salad. Or vomit.

I swear I had another paragraph worth at least of stuff to say. I do not remember. Maybe it is better that way.

^_^

ps- you probably didn't read this whole thing, but somebody comment because I'm bored.

2005-01-08 - 11:04 p.m. Today

Today was a meeting from hell. And I had a headache too. I think it went better than I had thought it would though.

I visited my mum. She tried to give me clothing... I took the clothing that already belonged to me. And some other stuff. Hmm is this what parents are for? What's funny is I got stuff that my mom gave me that was from my grandma. Parents really are for giving you stuff, even grandparents. Tablecloths and inhalers...

I got 2 As a B and a C... I can do better.

Whoosh...

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	51.7% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	65.1%
Shamelessness	71.4% It takes a couple of drinks	79.3%
Sex Drive	76.3% The Pope is envious	77.7%
Straightness	17.9% Knows the other body type like a map	44.6%
Gayness	82.1% Repressed, are we?	83.8%
Fucking Sick	91.2% Refreshingly normal	90%
You are 65.22% pure Average Score: 72.7%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

^_^

2005-01-06 - 11:55 p.m. Disaster area

In an attempt to use the storage spact in my room more effectively, I have made a complete mess of my room. There are clothes and stuff everywhere, but hopefully by the end of tomorrow there will be clothes neatly hanging in the closet, in dressers, and on shelves, and hopefully the said clothing will be clean and also hopefully there will be a place for all of it.
Also I pulled some things out of boxes that were in my closet before. The stuff is scattered about my room and the stuff that isn't is in those boxes, but they now live in the garage.
I hope all of this makes my room more tidy or whatever. Having clothes spilling everywhere because there isn't enough space is really lame. So it was either organize or put some clothes away in boxes/give clothes away... and we all know how good I am at doing that.

There is a lot of vegan pizza left over from new years. So somehow I was cleaning house and working on my room today when at about 4pm I realized that I hadn't eaten anything all day... so I had some leftover quiche and vegan pizza. Little did I know that the pizza (because it was for todd) had garlic on it. I didn't notice at first, but then later in the night I realized I had garlic breath. Garlic gives me headaches because I'm a vampire (not really but it just does) So... I brush my teeth, but I hadn't yet connected the gross mouthy ness to the pizza. Then... I decide to eat some more pizza. This is when I realize that the pizza has hunks of garlic on it... d'oh. Hmm I wonder if I have this cranberry juice with all its tartness it will make me think less about garlic breath. I can try to brush my teef again but it will just come back.

I had a very relaxing bath. I keep taking baths and I don't really know why. They just seem nicer lately.

I can't believe how much cool stuff I own that was in boxes. Formal gowns, gameboy games, a poloroid camera, bunny and kitty ears, knitting needles and lots of yarn, casette tapes, books, calculators (scientific and graphing), the card game set, nail polish (in black and hot pink), bobble head moose, hamtaro dolls, the list goes on...

I'm so looking forward to my day of laundry and organization that I have ahead of me tomorrow... yay.
Ooh and a meeting on Satuday too! How fun is my life? It's so fun I can't believe it!

^_^

2005-01-03 - 12:31 p.m. update

This weekend has been really busy.

We (Me, Chuck, Rachel, Todd, Juli, Loki, Suzy and Suzy's friend) went to the Parkway as I said. We all met up, and we saw the motorcycle diaries... that movie about Che Guevara. It was really good. Then we went to the Lake Merrit Diner where they have okay food really good looking desserts and really good chicken and waffles.

Yesterday was also pretty busy. We took a Cluchala family outing to the Saturn dealership in Pleasanton... so uhm we are getting a dark red saturn Ion. It's still a red saturn but it's a bit different. It may take some getting used to. I think it's a pretty cool car tho. It seems kind of sudden to be getting a new car but there was some stuff with getting a better deal on the trade in or whatever...
We also went to costco and it was terribly busy. At one point there was a big jam in the parking lot because of one car that was preventing like 10 other cars from moving... then there was huge lines and by the time we got in line there was still huge lines but we found a shorter line. The thing is it wasn't really shorter because the people in front of us were going really slowly and had a HUGE amount of stuff to buy... so by the time we looked around and saw that every line was short and we'd been waiting behind one person... we went to a line with like no one and got out, and there was no one at the costco by then...

Today I cleaned a lot. Rachel made a list of daily and weekly (and monthly but thats a little different) cleaning. So I made a document with what I need to do daily, then what I should do on each day of the week. And since I didn't do anything yesterday I did the cleaning for yesterday and today... I left an extra day for making up for cleaning that I missed during the week on friday.

I made my cat sleep in my room last night. She keeps being in Chuck and Rachels room, and so when she came in I shut the door. I miss my kitty spending lots of time with me sorta. I think I'm going to write words to "Come on Arlene" I've already started with the chorus "Come on Arlene, oh I swear (what she means)/No atonement, you ruin everything/look at this mess you must confess/it's so dirty/Ah come on Arlene" tee hee... the rest might be a little harder to come up with. Chuck helped in figuring it should be "look at this mess"

I've been feeling kind of standoffish lately. I am kind of feeling doubtful of some things... I'm not really sure that I should be feeling like that but I do. I really haven't been feeling like talking to people or socializing a lot lately.

I can't belive that school starts in about a fortnight... I hope I do better this semester than I did last. It's going to be weird that I will be going to the fitness center on a regular basis... maybe I'll get in better shape. I hope to also do the school play. I am going to have really not a lot of free time next semester though, I'm taking more units and plus the play will be even more and rehearsal, so school 4 days a week then rehearsal after classes... I am still wondering what my bad grades are...

I'm wondering if I should try to go to the anime la con with todd, it's the end of this month and it's only $25 for early reg for students I have till the 15th to decide if I want the student rate... I also wonder if I'd be able to hang out with Jordan if he's started school by then cause cal arts is a half hour drive from where the con is... hmmm...

^_^

2005-01-01 - 11:56 a.m. New Years...

5 couples.
Drunken Debbie. (A couple of ciders, smirnoff ice triple black, pink (ro sham bo) wine, hard limeade, framboise lambic)
Marx Brothers.
Anime.
Top Shop.
Hummus.
Popcorn.
Pizza.
Sulking.
Hiding.

I got an italk for my ipod so I can record stuff... except you gotta be careful or else it makes scratchy noises. You can attach a better mic too. It's really neat. And it loads onto your computer and so I can edit the files and make them into mp3. Coolness.

I like kitties.

Goin to the parkway today.

^_^